Today is my Jesus year. I turn 33 officially at 11:26 pm. I was so excited to enter into my 30’s for some unknown reason. Maybe calling it unknown is a bit dramatic because the truth is I felt the excitement of possibilities. My gut said my 30’s is when things will begin to feel settled. It is when I’ll start to truly find myself. Outside of my role as a mother and daughter. My 30’s said that peace would find its way to me and that I would finally feel some relief. It was inner knowing that I would have a choice to make. Continue on the path that I was currently navigating or elevate. There were no other options. Turning 30 symbolized a new beginning and a change.

3 years ago today I turned 30 and my world changed. My favorite Uncle passed suddenly. Maybe a part of me knew to prepare for it since I asked him 9 months prior who would handle everything when it was his time. Turns out it was me. That was the hardest death I’ve dealt with thus far. I was broken into a million pieces. My whimsical fantasy and ideation of my 30’s being a breath of fresh air went of the window. Flowing into 30 was a hard battle.

3 years later and the excitement is slowly showing its face again. Rememberings of the hope I had at 29 when I went into labor with my last child. When I told my ancestors I was tired of the old cycles and ready for something new. I birthed that baby and my new self. Things didn’t settle again until I turned 31. Possibilities came back again at that age. Love, healthy love, felt possible. I finished my Yoga teacher Training and met 17 amazing humans, a few I kept deeply close.

32 completed parts of my life I never expected. I became a licensed cosmetologist after 14 years,  finished an Associates Degree after 8 years of trying and moved to the state of GA after giving up my dreams of GA Tech after high school.

4 kids later and at the age of 33: I am remembering me.

Facebook loves to remind you of a past version of yourself. Especially on your birthday. I read my post for 30; 24 hours before I discovered my favorite uncles decaying body.

See below:

So confident the woman above to enter a new decade. Declaring to the world that she will indeed put herself first. 33 offers a step closer to the goal or rediscovery. Shedding my fears and feeling brave enough to be seen for all that I am and have yet to become.

Happy 33rd Birthday to this version of self who for once, will not be afraid of being seen.

With Love,

E.